Lean In: Book Review & Discussion (Part Three)

 by Sophia Kim McKinley, Callie Thompson, MD, and Minerva Romero Arenas, MD, MPH

Chapter 8: Make your partner a real partner (Callie)

By nature, women are charged with carrying the child, birthing the child, and feeding the child (if one so chooses), resulting in an uneven distribution of work between a couple from conception. This chapter discusses some of the author’s personal struggles with being a new parent and the division of labor and responsibility in her relationship. Data show that in heterosexual couples, when both work outside the home, the women does 30-40% more of the childcare and housework, and as recently as 2009, only 9% of dual-earner marriages said they split the work evenly.

As a surgeon, I would suggest that this needs to be acknowledged and discussed prior to starting a family with a spouse/significant other. When a couple is discussing having children, there can be a lot of debate and negotiations about the vision for that child with regard to religion, discipline, schooling, extracurricular activities, and on and on. One thing should not be a negotiation; both parents must contribute equally to the care and development of the child, and if that is not okay with your partner, I strongly suggest reconsidering him for that role. This does not mean that each task needs to be done by each parent equally, just that the division of labor overall needs to be as close to 50/50 as possible. If you feed the child, your partner can bathe the child, and if you clean the dishes after dinner, your partner can vacuum the floor, etc . . . .

If that was it, things would be easy, but you also have to deal with society. You have to realize that society is going to set out to make your male partner feel emasculated because he is sharing household and child-rearing tasks with you. Believe it or not, even in 2013, men are still harassed for staying at home with their kids. Lighthearted comments and snide remarks can be hurtful to our male partners. The easiest way to counteract those actions is to let them know how appreciated they are, not because they are doing things FOR you but because they are doing them WITH you. Society will also try to make you feel badly for working outside of the home. People will tell you how wonderful it is or how lucky you are that your husband “watches” your kids for you. When this takes place, you should feel free to inform these people that the father of your children is fathering them. Nothing more, nothing less. But overall, my best advice is to ignore, ignore, ignore. If it works for you and your family, the rest does not really matter.

Do you have a family? Is your partner in medicine or surgery? Are couples in similar fields more likely to succeed or fail?

Chapter 9: The myth of doing it all (Callie)

In this chapter, “having it all” is called “the greatest trap ever set for women,” “antiquated rhetoric,” “a myth,” and a “recipe for disappointment.” I think we can all agree that this phrase should leave the vocabulary of our society and never return. Sandberg quotes some amazing women in this chapter: Gloria Steinem, Nora Ephron, Tina Fey. All of it is to say that being a working parent is hard work, and it doesn’t always (read: almost never) go according to plan, but the best way to manage is to cut yourself some slack, be willing to compromise, be honest with yourself about your own goals/desires, and be willing to change the plan. Admittedly, some of these things are much easier to do in other lines of work and at different points in our surgical careers. For instance, it would be great to be able to work the hours that worked best for my family, but those aren’t the hours that are best for my patients, my attendings, my co-residents, or my hospital system, so as a resident, I work the hours I work, and when it comes time to choose a job, I may want to take that into consideration in my choice.

Another important point is that we need to manage our guilt. This is a hard one because, no matter how many times you hear people say that your kid(s) will be okay even though you don’t stay home with them, the one time someone insinuates the opposite, it will stick with you and that one thought can fester and cause a lot of damage to your psyche. However, as lovers of science and evidence-based practice, we should rely on the data. As the author points out, data show that kids who are cared for by their mom vs. those also cared for by others develop the same, build the same relationships, and still bond with their moms. Also, having an involved dad, a mom who gives you independence, and parents with emotional intimacy are much more influential on a child’s development than having their mom care for them exclusively.

Full disclosure: despite this data, I still feel guilty quite frequently. I was irrationally crushed just last week when we missed my son’s 12 -month check-up because my husband and I both forgot. Other than reminding myself that the kid is fine, the appointment was rescheduled, and nothing bad actually happened because of this. Conclusion? I do not have a good solution to these thoughts.

How do you “do it all?” Is it really a myth?

Chapter 10: Let’s Start Talking About It (Sophia)

Sandberg encourages a conversation about the influence of gender in the workplace—the whole point of her book is to start talking about it. I’ve heard from more senior women in surgery that the attitude in the past has been one of “play along to get along.” That is, you don’t bring up the fact that you are a woman because you don’t want to bring any more attention to your obvious minority identity. While “play along to get along” may be useful for an individual to minimize any associated penalty for being a woman, Sandberg would challenge this strategy as one that would win in the long run. She encourages naming hidden biases and the micro-aggressions against women as a way to move forward toward gender equality.

Once, when I told a faculty member that I was going into general surgery, the first thing she said was “Are you planning on having children?” I highly doubt she would have asked the same question to a male medical student, which means that my gender was a strong determinant in her attitude toward my chosen career. I shared her comments with other faculty as a way to shed light on the ways in which women who pursue surgery continue to be treated differently, even by other women. Knowing precisely how and when to raise the topic of gender requires thoughtfulness and discretion, but I am hoping that forums such as the AWS Blog will continue the conversation about gender and surgery in a way that is rigorous yet respectful.

Have you encountered gender discrimination in or out of surgery? How have you addressed it? 

Chapter 11: Working together towards equality (Callie)

“Today, despite all of the gains we have made, neither men nor women have real choice. Until women have supportive employers and colleagues as well as partners who share family responsibilities, they don’t have real choice.” This is where the AWS and each of us at our institutions across the country can make a big impact. We can be those colleagues and mentors. We can encourage our fellow women surgeons to make their partners real partners. We can speak out when we see or hear a male medical student or resident praised for their outgoing spirit while a female who behaves the same is chastised for her aggressiveness. If we do not point out the inequities of such thoughts and perceptions, they will never end.

As Deborah Gruenfeld is quoted to have said, “Working together, we are fifty percent of the population and therefore have real power.”

How can we move toward equality? How can we engage the men in these initiatives?

Let’s Keep Talking

We have truly enjoyed reading and discussing our thoughts on this book and the parallels drawn in the surgical world. Please join our discussion below and share your input on how we can improve personally, as a discipline, and as leaders.

Part One of the discussion can be found here. Part Two, here.

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Sophia Kim McKinley is a dual-degree M.D./Ed.M. student at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She received the 2012 Association of Women Surgeons Patricia Numann Medical Student Award and spent a year as a Zuckerman fellow at the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard Kennedy School. Sophia is passionate about medical education and she hopes to be an academic surgeon who brings educationally-sound innovations to surgical training. Her clinical interests are gastrointestinal and minimally invasive surgery. Sophia will be applying for general surgery residency during the 2014 Match cycle.  

Dr. Callie Thompson is a resident in general surgery at the University of Washington. She recently completed a two year research fellowship and is now in her fourth clinical year. Callie aspires to be a burn and trauma surgeon and a translational scientist. Her research interests include genetic variations and their associations with the development and outcomes of disease and illness. Callie is married to an internist and has three children under the age of 7.

Dr. Minerva Romero Arenas is a general surgery resident at Sinai Hospital of Baltimore and is completing a research fellowship at The University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX. She obtained her MD and MPH from The University of Arizona, and studied Cellular Biology & French at Arizona State University. She is also involved in mentoring and public policy. On her personal time she enjoys spending time with friends and family, especially when it involves good food.

 

Lean In: Book Review & Discussion (Part Two)

by Sophia Kim McKinley, Callie Thompson, MD, and Minerva Romero Arenas, MD, MPH

Chapter 4: It’s a Jungle Gym, not a Ladder (Sophia)

Sandberg reveals that she did not have a master plan at the outset or her career. Instead, she took opportunities as they arose or created her own opportunities. Again, business is a different context than surgery, in which the progression up the totem pole happens in a very particular and prescribed order. Still, there are elements of uncertainty, risk, and surprise when making decisions about a career in medicine.

Even as a 4th year medical student, I can describe junctions and branch points in my medical career where, instead of taking the safe or planned route, I pursued something else and wound up in a wonderful situation. I entered a lottery to be one of a dozen students in a novel, integrated third year and found myself having yearlong relationships with patients. It was there that I abandoned my plan of becoming a dermatologist in the operating room of a surgeon who would become one of my greatest mentors. And because of the effect of this new rotation system, I developed an interest in surgical education and ended up taking a year off to complete a Master of Education. It’s easy to look at someone successful or admirable and imagine him or her climbing a ladder straight to that position. Long-term goal setting and planning are critical to achieving ambition dreams, but Sandberg reminds her readers that there is likely more to the story, including a willingness to pursue unanticipated opportunities because of the potential for growth, whether that be taking a job in a new part of the country, starting a new research project, or taking on additional responsibilities in one’s current practice setting.

Have you taken alternative routes in your career?

Chapter 5: Are you my mentor? (Minerva)

“It should be a badge of honor for men to sponsor women.”

This chapter is full of practical advice that can easily be applied into any field, and in my opinion, can help both the mentee and the mentor. Through anecdotes of Sandberg’s own mentors and the people she has mentored herself (whether officially or not), her message becomes clear: mentoring relationships have to develop naturally and grow. As such, having ground rules for these relationships is important.

Things to consider:

1. Be mindful of the mentor’s time – mentees cannot expect to spend hours of a mentor’s time each week. As Sandberg points out “That’s not a mentor – that’s a therapist.” In my personal experience, setting up short meetings of 15-20 minutes with focused questions or goals are more effective for both the mentor and mentee. On a similar note, Sandberg suggests avoiding complaining “excessively” to a mentor and instead, ask for specific advice about how to move forward.
2. Strangers can be mentors – Just do not seek a mentor by asking a stranger cold-turkey “Can you be my mentor?” Successful mentees have approached Sandberg in a different form – a simple introduction with a well-thought out question. These individuals sparked her interest through their own success and she eventually filled that mentor role.
3. “Excel and you will get a mentor” – In surgery, strangers are frequently referred to each other by a common colleague or friend. This is how I landed with my current research mentor. The key is engaging potential mentors so they may take an interest in you and your success (via your CV or a strong referral) and following through afterwards with hard work (the mentoring relationship will naturally develop through your hard work).

In my own experience, it is important to have more than one mentor, something Sandberg alludes to through various anecdotes. For example, I have surgical mentors to whom I can turn to for various aspects of my career: my clinical concerns, career advice, and even task or situation-specific guidance. I have mentors to whom I can turn to for support and life advice. I also have some informal mentors with whom I interact on a less frequent basis (often by email or occasional text messages or calls).

The importance of mentors in surgery (as in other fields) is obvious and many employers and medical organizations, including AWS, have launched their own mentorship programs. Interestingly, Sandberg points out that “official mentorship programs are not sufficient by themselves and work best when combined with other kinds of development and training.”

What has your own mentorship experience been like? Have you been a part of an organized mentorship program?

If you have not downloaded the AWS Pocket Mentor you may do so here. You can also read our AWS blog post for good advice passed down from our mentors.

Chapter 6: Seek and speak your truth (Minerva)

In closing the chapter, Sandberg writes one of the sentences that made me think a lot about my own experience in surgery- “And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that have historically held some women back will make them more natural leaders in the future.”

What I took away from this chapter really was a lesson in effective communication and leadership. By this point in the book it is no doubt that Sandberg has research to back up the inescapable fact that gender strongly influences others’ perceptions of a person. In fact, gender strongly influences our own perceptions of ourselves. Sandberg laments that women hesitate to provide honest feedback, lest they be labeled as whiners or avoid discussing their children at work lest their priorities be questioned. Instead she advocates for honesty and a shift in leadership that strives for “authenticity over perfection.”

I have seen both types of leaders and struggled with the qualities I want to emulate. Slowly I have realized that some situations will call for a different kind of leader in order to be effective. For example, I know a leader who is generally regarded as someone who has high expectations, demands perfection, and may not be the easiest person to please. While this style may aggravate colleagues and subordinates in many situations, in surgery this type of leadership is essential when dealing with decisions that carry serious consequences such as life or death. Ultimately, more diversity in the workforce will translate to changes in leadership and eventually, I hope more equitable roles in the workforce.

Have you ever felt like you could not voice concerns out of fear that you may be labeled as a complainer or not a team-player?

Chapter 7: Don't leave before you leave (Minerva)

Sandberg points out that many women start to end their career before even getting out of the workforce. In an extreme example, Sandberg notes a young employee who worried about raising children before even being in a relationship, pregnant, or anywhere near having to worry about career-personal life balance. She raises a valid point that instead of holding themselves back from success due to being unable to meet demands later – women should aim for success and adjust or scale back as needed later when their success will lend them much more flexibility.

When I read this chapter I immediately thought of one surgery mentor. Having seen many intelligent, bright, and technically gifted female residents quit surgery for their families, he would frequently warn me not to quit surgery “because you want to have kids.” Most of the time I thought he was kidding with me, but in retrospect I feel lucky that someone saw enough promise in me and cared enough to open up a sincerely dialogue with me about career planning.

I must admit that I am guilty of nearly doing this to myself. While I had mentally prepared to make sacrifices for my career, during medical school I realistically started to consider how much of my life I would let my career consume. After my clinical rotations I was convinced in my heart that I wanted to do surgery, but all the warning alarms in my mind were going off. I am thankful that I had the sense to call one of my mentors (and a voice of reason) to help me think through this seemingly enormous decision. “Why not?” she asked during that call –I had no answer –and with that simple question she helped me realized that only I could hold myself back from a fulfilling career in surgery.

Do women really leave before they leave?

We value your opinion. Chime in on the comments below, and be sure to check back tomorrow as we continue our discussion in Part Three. Yesterday's discussion can be found here.

~~~

Sophia Kim McKinley is a dual-degree M.D./Ed.M. student at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She received the 2012 Association of Women Surgeons Patricia Numann Medical Student Award and spent a year as a Zuckerman fellow at the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard Kennedy School. Sophia is passionate about medical education and she hopes to be an academic surgeon who brings educationally-sound innovations to surgical training. Her clinical interests are gastrointestinal and minimally invasive surgery. Sophia will be applying for general surgery residency during the 2014 Match cycle.






Dr. Callie Thompson is a resident in general surgery at the University of Washington. She recently completed a two year research fellowship and is now in her fourth clinical year. Callie aspires to be a burn and trauma surgeon and a translational scientist. Her research interests include genetic variations and their associations with the development and outcomes of disease and illness. Callie is married to an internist and has three children under the age of 7.



 




Dr. Minerva Romero Arenas is a general surgery resident at Sinai Hospital of Baltimore and is completing a research fellowship at The University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX. She obtained her MD and MPH from The University of Arizona, and studied Cellular Biology & French at Arizona State University. She is also involved in mentoring and public policy. On her personal time she enjoys spending time with friends and family, especially when it involves good food.

Lean In: Book Review & Discussion (Part One)

by Sophia Kim McKinley, Callie Thompson, MD, and Minerva Romero Arenas, MD, MPH

Introduction

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.

Sheryl Sandberg published this book less than one year ago – and caused quite a stir. Some praise her for exploring the question of why there are so few women in the top ranks of corporate America. Others criticize a perceived failure to represent the needs of the non-elite women who are not in positions to pursue C-suite offices.

We share our impression of her book – a chapter at a time– eyes of individual women in surgery. Not necessarily a book review, we try to draw out any parallels or lessons that the book offers to women who are also operating within a traditionally male-dominated discipline.

We hope you will join in our discussion – even if you have not read the book!

Chapter 1: The Leadership Ambition Gap (Sophia)

Sandberg writes from the perspective of a woman in business, but I found that many of her observations and points apply just as well to medicine, in particular surgery. She describes that, for a number of reasons, a smaller proportion of women aspire to the top leadership positions in their organizations or their fields. I wonder if a poll of general surgery applicants would also reveal that fewer of the women hope to become Department Chair or President of prominent surgical associations. Is there a leadership ambition gap in surgery?

Reading this chapter, I reflected on my own ambitions. How often had I envisioned myself ultimately becoming Full Professor or Chair or President? The answer was telling—exactly zero. Since then, I’ve committed to ignoring the thought “I could never be XYZ” and follow it with “Why not me?” And I’m going to encourage my female friends to do the same. Instead of dwelling on the difficulties of juggling multiple personal and professional identities, I’ll encourage them, as Sandberg does, “not to be afraid” of ambition. There are many valid reasons a female physician might not embrace the pursuit of being at the top of a strongly hierarchical field, but fear and cultural distaste for a woman’s ambition should not be among them.

Have you noticed a difference in ambition?

Chapter 2: Sit at the Table (Callie)

In this chapter Sandberg discusses how women often feel fraudulent when they are praised because they feel their recognition is undeserved and how she personally felt like an imposter, moments away from the inevitable embarrassment of failure. This is an easy chapter to apply to surgery because the author actually does it for me. She highlights a study that looked at students on a surgery rotation that found female students gave themselves lower scores than the male students despite the fact that the faculty evaluations showed the women were outperforming the men. I am certain that this does not stop when these ladies graduate medical school. Some of them will go onto surgical residency where they will continue to underestimate their abilities despite feedback to the contrary. I see it every day.

The most salient part of this chapter is the inherent differences between men and women when it comes to what each will credit their success to, and more importantly, what they credit their failures to. Anecdotally, I have seen my male and female colleagues deal with complications in vastly different ways--specifically with my female co-residents being quick to take responsibility for a patient’s complication but much less quick to compliment themselves when an outcome is favorable. The fact of the matter is, the data show that women are less likely to credit her success to her abilities and more likely to contribute her failures to them. In another excellent book entitled Mindset, Carol Dweck describes how this thought pattern is something that becomes ingrained in us during our upbringing and requires great focus and attention to our inner monologue to overcome it.

Do you agree that women do not sit at the table enough? Are there differences in our upbringing that make us more submissive perhaps subconsciously? 

Chapter 3: Success and Likeability (Sophia)

Sandberg begins this chapter with a reference to Harvard Business School’s Heidi/Howard study, in which students rated a case protagonist far more likeable when the only change to the case was changing the name “Heidi” to “Howard.” She asserts that a woman’s desire to be liked can be an impediment to success because success and likeability for women, unlike men, are often at odds.

I am not convinced this is as true in surgery as it is in business. Surgery is patient-focused work, and the operating room requires a great deal of teamwork and communication between many different individuals. Even research projects are far more successful when one is well-regarded by collaborators. So when I see a highly successful female surgeon, I assume that she must excel in working with others because success in this field depends so much on interpersonal skills. This is the same assumption I make for men. But perhaps relevant take-always for women in surgery are Sandberg’s points about taking ownership of one’s success and the importance of negotiation. She encourages women not to mute their accomplishments for fear of being perceived as likeable, especially within the context of negotiating for themselves.

Do men and women perceive leaders the same way? Are female leaders at an unfair disadvantage?
  
We value your opinion. Chime in on the comments below, and be sure to check back tomorrow as we continue our discussion in Part Two.

~~~ 

Sophia Kim McKinley is a dual-degree M.D./Ed.M. student at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She received the 2012 Association of Women Surgeons Patricia Numann Medical Student Award and spent a year as a Zuckerman fellow at the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard Kennedy School. Sophia is passionate about medical education and she hopes to be an academic surgeon who brings educationally-sound innovations to surgical training. Her clinical interests are gastrointestinal and minimally invasive surgery. Sophia is applying for general surgery residency during the 2014 Match cycle. 

Dr. Callie Thompson is a resident in general surgery at the University of Washington. She recently completed a two year research fellowship and is now in her fourth clinical year. Callie aspires to be a burn and trauma surgeon and a translational scientist. Her research interests include genetic variations and their associations with the development and outcomes of disease and illness. Callie is married to an internist and has three children under the age of 7.







Dr. Minerva Romero Arenas is a general surgery resident at Sinai Hospital of Baltimore and is completing a research fellowship at The University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX. She obtained her MD and MPH from The University of Arizona, and studied Cellular Biology & French at Arizona State University. She is also involved in mentoring and public policy. On her personal time she enjoys spending time with friends and family, especially when it involves good food.